… especially when you don’t agree with them.

“If a relationship and connection are important enough, we don’t need to accept or understand those choices. We just need to learn to respect them.”- Atara Wertentheil, Respecting vs. Accepting Other’s Choices

Three months ago, I moved continents and it wasn’t something I had been planning. I went to visit family for Christmas last year and I decided to stay. Up until that point, the life that I had planned and was living had become so unhealthy for me. I had not even realized that I had emotionally shut down from not only those around me, but also from myself. The change of location cleared the clouds from my vision and it was with this clarity that I decided to stay, heal and build a new life for myself.

Making this decision — which was the best decision for myself, my health and wellbeing — does not mean that everyone happy about this decision. For some, they simply believed I needed a break. Others, thought I was off galavanting living a life of luxury. However, those closest to me were observing the change and not really knowing what to make of it. They were supportive, nonetheless, because my need — no, wait… desperation — for peace of mind and balance had been written all over my face before I moved.

In healing this year, I confirmed the decision to move had been the right one and, after finalizing my divorce, I packed up my apartment and made the move permanent. Understandably, this decision did not sit well with loved ones that were invested in the life I had originally planned for myself — and to this day, it is a decision that some have difficulty accepting.

Why is this? Why do we have a hard time accepting decisions other people make for themselves when we don’t agree with them? Atara Wertentheil addresses this beautifully:

When a loved one makes a choice that doesn’t align with your own choices, it can sometimes feel impossible to accept. You might even have difficulty loving someone in the same way when they make a choice you don’t agree with. When you can’t find a way to accept a loved one’s choice, focus on respecting it instead.

Essentially, people have their own reasons for making any decision that affects their lives and that decision is not a reflection of you. The other side of the coin exists as well. Just as you would like others to respect the decisions you make for yourself — even if they do not understand them or agree with them — it is important that one offers the same basic respect others.