“The dark night of the soul comes just before revelation. When everything is lost, and all seems darkness, then comes the new life and all that is needed.”

Joseph Campbell

Healing is not a destination. Healing is a journey, and in that journey, there are occasionally rest breaks (i.e., those times we sometimes forget we are on a healing journey) and other times, there are detours that extend the journey itself. Whatever your personal healing journey looks like, I can guarantee there is one aspect that everyone experiences (and sometimes more than once!) and that is ‘the dark night of the soul’.

What is a ‘dark night of the soul’?

The phrase itself originates from an untitled sixteenth century poem by St John of the Cross, which narrates the mystical journey of the soul to union with God. It follows the second phrase, which speaks about the ‘illumination’ felt in God’s presence, but this presence is not yet stable (read: in its full power). It is a direct commentary on the emotional and spiritual uncertainty to be felt in the absence of God.

Now, the above explanation was the meaning extracted from the original context of St John’s untitled poem. However, in modern times, the phrase “dark night of the soul” is typically used to describe a crisis of faith or a difficult and painful period in one’s life – and this I understand.

Even though the phrase has a somewhat religious origin, its application to the human condition, and the healing of said condition, cannot be overstated. It’s the point in life you get to where nothing makes sense anymore and you question everything. For some it’s questioning their perception of past trauma and for others, its more about trying to understand (and sometimes rewire) one’s response and understanding of said trauma. Whatever way you understand it, experiencing a ‘dark night of the soul’ is argued to be the most important milestones on a healing journey. It’s the point where you decide that you can’t live like this anymore and crave change.

“There can be no rebirth without a dark night of the soul, a total annihilation of all that you believed in and though that you were.”

Inayat Khan

Pretty dark stuff. It’s essentially cleansing your mind, body, and soul of everything it thought it was and thought it needed, to be replaced by a carefully curated selection of beliefs and thoughts that one deems valuable to their present and future existences. However, it is important to remember that the darkest nights are replaced by the brightest dawns, so it is worth seeing the experience through – no matter how challenging or uncomfortable.

How to survive a ‘dark night of the soul’?

“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I – I took the one less travelled by, And that made all the difference.”

Robert Frost

Healing is not for the faint hearted and millions decide not to – and this is absolutely fine, so long as them not healing does not adversely affect anyone else. It is important to note than for many, their trauma may be on-going or too difficult for them to process. It is not the place of those that favor healing to judge.

That being said, if you’re courageous enough to embark on your healing journey, the reward is priceless: YOU!

I don’t mean the person you are with your friends, or at work, or the person you are doing any number of daily activities. No. I mean the person you are when you’re alone and talking to yourself. That’s the individual a ‘dark night of the soul’ will introduce you to. By the time you come out the other end, you’ll be so in love with yourself that the entire world will be in love too (not in a creepy vain way, but in an “I’ve just been on an emotional rollercoaster, survived, and paid for my photo” kind of way). It’s reaching deep inside, alone, and finding what’s left and learning to like what you see because – in that state – you are alone.

And the beautiful thing about this entire process is that you also discover your ‘light’, or in other words, the thing that makes you shine and unique. It’s something that no one can ever take away from you, but it’s only something that can be acquired via this healing. What do they say? Nothing worth having comes easy, and nothing is more worth it in your life than yourself.

In all transparency, I am currently undergoing a dark night of the soul myself. It’s the reason I’m up at 1:35am on a Saturday morning, writing this article. For me, the process is always about releasing shame, guilt, and deep feelings of insecurity. Journaling helps me to manage those feelings, so they don’t overwhelm me. Some days, I just go for a walk. Some people experience overwhelming rage, helplessness, confusion or even hopelessness. It varies and it usually tied to the trauma experienced.

5 Suggestions to help you navigate a ‘dark night of the soul’:

1. Educate yourself on the dark night of the soul, so you fully understand what is happening when it occurs.
2. Surrender and trust the process. Try to image thoughts and emotions flowing through you, as opposed to focusing on the thought or emotion itself.
3. Be extra kind and loving towards yourself, especially with regards to how to you talk to yourself.
4. Give yourself unapologetic permission to be where you’re at. Remember: life is not a race. Do not compare yourself to anyone else. If you’re the only one you know going through a dark night of the soul, congratulations! When you’re done, you’re be moving different. More mature. Wiser…. And trust me, everyone will notice.
5. If it’s your jam, pray and meditate. If not, make sure to stay in contact with people who love you. It’s not easy, but it’s always nice to reminded that you have someone in your corner.