I know the point of life is to not only exist, but to thrive, and most days I think I do a pretty good job. Today, if I’m being completely honest, is a struggle.

Today’s struggle is emotional and based around feelings of inadequacy. Don’t get me wrong, I know I’m very proficient at life. I’m 38 years old and I haven’t died yet – and to say I’ve been through a lot is an understatement… I’m still here and living a pretty decent life.

Last night I remembered a relationship I had forgotten and I am heartbroken all over again. I don’t understand why but I guess my mind felt it was safe enough to remember what happened so that I might heal from it, but I’m not quite sure how I’m going to be able to do this.

It’s hard to even write anything about that relationship because in spite of all this love I feel, I am ashamed and deeply embarrassed by it because I was the only one in the relationship that actually cared.

I don’t regret anything because in spite of everything that happened, I felt something for him I have never experienced before or since and I don’t regret showing him love. I know he deserved it so I gave it. I didn’t deserve his treatment of me, but that’s neither here nor there. It feels really nice to be able to write about it here and release some of this energy.

And to anyone in love with someone that doesn’t love you back (and you’ll know it from their actions), do yourself favor and leave. If this healing journey has taught me anything, it’s this: no one is more important than you in your life. It’s a fact, but sometimes you meet someone that makes you a priority. Keep those people. No one is perfect, but to have someone in your corner that genuinely loves and cares about your wellbeing? That’s priceless.

Have a beautiful week people!

Happy Labor day (“,)