Growing up I was always told never to associate with anyone that did not (or could not) bring value to my life. For the people that raised me, this meant not getting comfortable in the company of anyone that “didn’t have a plan” or anyone that, for them, lacked the capacity to generate wealth consistently, and often on a grand scale.

Looking back, I understand why (but perhaps more importantly, why) they had developed that particular mindset that, to be quite frank, I didn’t – and still do not – share with them. My father grew up as a very light skinned, green-eyed child in West Africa, at a time the region was characterized by consecutive (often bloody) coup d’etats. His mother, also the product of an interesting (read: extramarital) relationship, had been the partner of an Italian expat who had worked in construction (and who I’ve heard rumors had been deported for flirting with the, then, Head of State’s Egyptian wife). Chaos.

At a time (the 60s and 70s) when the world was vastly different from what we know and experience today, life for many people located outside of what we term ‘the West’ – person of color or not – had been singularly focused on survival. Many families still grew their own vegetables (and if they did not, they went to their local market to source what they needed from local growers), and they slaughtered their own animals (the fact that I know how to properly slaughter and de-feather a chicken and prepare it for a meal is something I’m extremely proud of). The relative thirst for the new, demand for the quick, and need for sustained heightened sensations just didn’t exist for the majority of people living on Earth at that time. Life was measured, calculated and the simple was enjoyed – it had to be in order to survive.

However, it also meant that when exposed to the unknown, glamorous, and convenient life that was intentionally being exported at that time, it would be a serotonin hit in the vein that few from that generation could (or would) resist. Whether that exposure came from the silver screen or from humongous box televisions matters not. Its effect was the same. The unconscious link between affluence (i.e. money) and the life of your dreams was established and it was rapidly being conveyed through every channel imaginable. And for many, it held the promise of a life beyond survival, having people scrambling towards greener pastures, often towards the source of the propaganda: the West.

I’ll take a moment here to mention how ingrained it became. So much so that a few years ago I read a news article of a man that hid in the wheel compartment of a commercial airline in an attempt to find his ‘greener pastures’.

It’s wild to say the least, but let us return to the story.

The wife of the man that raised me was also a product of that time, but the effects of survival looked somewhat different on her. Her father had been a politician and her mother, a disowned German woman that had had her own memories and experiences of survival thanks to being born in the years leading up to the Second World War. Being a politician in a country known for its political instability is risky business in the best of times, and it is not surprising that the time eventually came when her family had to flee for their lives (yes, due to yet another coup d’etat).

So, you see, many individuals from that era of humanity’s history did many things to survive. I’m sure many of you reading this have family stories of your own generations gone, but not forgotten.

The thing is this: what happens to the ways and tools these individuals needed to live and have passed on from that time – time that no longer exists?

For the children of those that did anything (and everything) to survive, I’ve observed that they fall into two categories: those that have evolved with the changing times, and those that have not.

Our elders (yes, because that is what they are) that have succeeded to accept the reality of change, tend to live somewhat peaceful lives. This is not to say all have healed from their experiences because many will reliably tell you they have not, but there is a peaceful acceptance that shines through their experienced lives. Somehow, they’ve managed to keep what works for them (even if some of us younger folks see it as “old school” or “cumbersome”) and let go of that which clearly doesn’t. There’s no forcing issues with these people. They let nature (and life) take its course.

The other group of elders view the world as though it hasn’t changed, as though the fight never ended – even if all the evidence points to the contrary. Some of them go so far as to view those highlighting peace as the ‘enemy’. Why? Perhaps its because they’ve never paused to evaluate or accept the possibility that times have indeed changed; or maybe the possibility of peace is so foreign that they can’t imagine it. Perhaps there are those that reject peace unless they are the one’s that receive credit for ushering it in (savior complex). Whatever the case, there is one commonality amongst them: they seek control and power (often through the incessant acquisition of money), in essence, to feel safe. The paradox of this being, their quest for personal security (and in some cases, glory) creates insecurity in (and for) the world around them. It’s a funny thing, the refusal to look in a mirror.

It’s easy to observe the flaws of others, and it’s an even easier thing to judge. The reflection made above serves only to help us all understand ourselves: who are we now and how did we come to be this way, and perhaps most importantly, is this version of ourselves serving not only ourselves, but those around us?

Self-reflection is rarely an easy task, but it is an essential one. Self-reflection is a powerful tool for personal growth because let us be honest, society is only as good as the sum of it’s parts. It’s what creates growth and wisdom. It fosters the kind of development of self that allows us to examine our thoughts, actions and experiences not through the rose-tinted lens of idealism (or how we think the world is), but with the clarity of honesty and intention. By taking time to reflect, we gain deeper insights into our motivations, into the things we’re great at (and the things we’re not so great at), enabling us to make more informed decisions and cultivate the all-important self-awareness – which is just a step from self-actualization. In other words, becoming the best version of you.

And this is where I’d like to conclude, leaving you with food for thought. What does all this mean for you? The world around us rapidly transforming, as more and more people actively declare their rejection of ‘otherness’…. Countries viewing other countries as enemies, corporate competition and greed, discrimination. It is clear that with over 50% of the world’s population under the age of 30 years, there is no going back to mindsets and ideologies of the past. Not only does this demographic not identify with them, but the last 20 years have definitively proven that those systems just don’t work. Change is here. How are you evolving with it?